Monday, June 2
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Biofeedback Man [journal] Now that I've had more time working at my job I've become better acquainted with my duties *ahem* my one duty: the biofeedback machine. Basically, it's a device that converts your physiological states into readable visual and audible computer generated signals. Your heart beat could be a sin-wave. Your alpha brain signals could play the blues. Your minute electrical pulses inside will could like gunshot. Anyways, the purpose of this machine is to show the patients, in an observable way, how wacked their body is. If you're sweating, tense and nervous the visual output will be huge lines zig-zagging and the noise will be loud and constant. Your goal is to get the curving line to flatten and the sound to cease. The idea is that sometimes people need results, immediate understandable results.
The people I worked on were wacked. I mean they just couldn't relax. There was improvement but it's only relative to them, not to the average person. I had a go with the GSR mode. This mode is similar to lie detector tests. Actually, it is the lie detector test. You put on your finger bands that determine how much you sweat by sending out minute, harmless shocks to check the level of your sweat. It's a measure of arousal. When our first person put it on his number was huge: 750. Dr. K's was 250 at first. Mine was 180. Dr. K to lower his number started doing all sorts of fucked up meditating stuff, and it worked. Given time he lowered his number to just below 200.
After he left I put on the stuff. I tried to put myself into a state of unconsciousness. I let myself drowse. I blurred my vision. The number dropped and dropped. I eventually got it down 15. Fucking 15. When I told the doctor he was flabbergasted. He said that I must have been in some other state. I told him I almost fell asleep. He said even in sleep it shouldn't be that low. Anyways, since it's a measure of arousal I started thinking about bad things. Like failing my parents expectations. Thinking that this was my first day at work and recreated that nervous feeling. My number leaped up to over 200. I tried to bring it down again and I did. This time I thought about sexual things, since it's a measure of arousal. But oddly it never went passed 170. I guess sex just doesn't make me worked up as failure. One other thing to note, when I tried again later that day (at 3 p.m. instead of 12 noon) I couldn't get it below 60. I think that has to do with how my body is more alert as the day goes on since I normally wake up at noon!
Oh---I've been wearing dress pants and a dress shirt to work all the time, but this time I noticed Dr. K was wearing faded blue jeans, an unbuttoned stripped shirt and snake skin boots. I think it's safe to say that the dress code is more laxed than I thought.
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