As many know I teach English in Japan but I have been reluctant to make posts about my work in case I got in trouble, but now that I will not be working there for much longer I may write more posts about my job, however I do plan on keeping names annonymous as well as where I work.
Last week I did a lesson about personality and asked my student to describe his best friend's personality. At first, there was nothing unusual. His answers were ho-hum:
"He's a very nice guy."
"He's honest."
He was high level enough for me to expect more detail in his answers, so I encouraged him.
"That's great. He sounds like a really good friend."
If I sound like a patronizing cock-sucker, you don't even know the half of it. I've seen us young teachers give 55-year-old, fortune 500ish CEO's high fives after they say "Nice to meet you. Where is the bathroom?"
I continued my encouragement. "Can you tell me more?" I meant, as in, more detail in the form of examples, but from his panic and the burgeoning sweat goblets, I assumed he thought I wanted more adjectives, and he had already exhausted the go to nice and his ace, honest.
Now, left with no simple adjectives, he had to reach into his negative bag and confess, "He's also a very naughty boy."
I nodded slowly and thoughtfully, as if he had just imparted either great wisdom or his last testimony. I let my bottom lip slide ever so craftily between my teeth so I could snap down on it and cause myself unbearable pain, and yet, defiantly, the corners of my mouth curled expectedly.
"Good word. Naughty is a... great word. High five!" Okay, I didn't say high five, but it would have been amusing.
"But, you know, in this case, I, myself, wouldn't use naughty."
"Why?" he asked confused and angry. Apparently naughty must have been his other ace adjective for he was ready to defend it.
I said, "Well" and I stretched out that one mother-fucking syllable as long as humanly possible as I thought of how I could delicately tell him people might think that his friend is either sexually perverse or that they occasionally pop forbidden fruit into each other's wazoo. I then tilted my head, which always gave me at least another 2 seconds.
He saved my life and asked, "Is it only for children?"
"Yes! You got it. For children it is perfectly okay to say. That kid's been naughty. Yes. Excellent. For children only." A smart man would stop talking and move on. I continued.
"Calling children naughty is saying they are mischievous. But if you tell me that your best friend is naughty --- Weeeeeeeeell (tilted head)." Fuck. I was back where I started.
He wasn't a kid I thought, so I decided to just say it. "If you use naughty to describe an adult, it ususally has something to do with sex."
We both had a good laugh after I said that, but I made sure to laugh only after he had started laughing first.
He sure was a naughty student.
