Tuesday, June 26
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To a Science
Do you ever wonder if it's possible to always choose the slowest line at banks, supermarkets or retail stores? Well now you can tell your friends that it is possible, because I am that guy.
I've done rigourous scientific studies. I've picked the shortest line; I've picked the line where people had the least items; I've picked the line with the speediest looking cashiers; I've picked the lines with the best looking girls (probably my smartest idea), but it always results in me being in the slowest line.
Today at Walmart I went for the shortest looking line, which probably had 7 people in it. After a few minutes the aisle next to me opened up and people rushed there, including 2 people in front of me. I thought they were mad. There were only a few people in front of them, but they gave up their spot to be in a much lower ranked spot in the new line.
I laughed inwardly at the Lemmings as I saw their little feet scurrying into the new line while I casually tucked my sunglasses into my breast pocket and lifted a People Magazine for a superficial read. I was so cool that if any girls were watching me they would have instantly fallen in love.
I nearly dropped the magazine when I saw the shopping cart of the person first in line. She had a mountain of merchandize. I'm not talking about large items -- mini fridges and cookware sets -- mountain, I'm talking about dollar store shopping spree mountain. It was as if she had items the size of Tic Tac boxes that over filled Walmart's extra large carts.
Hi. I would like to purchase 1000 Tic Tac boxes all marked at different prices.
The cashier politely asked her if she would mind letting a person in front of her while she loaded the conveyor belt. After that person was done she wasn't even done loading yet but the entire belt was full.
Two magazines and 35 minutes later she was finally done. The sick part about how long it took was the cashier was one of the faster cashiers I've seen. If I had been in one of those slow cashier lines, like in the past, this would have easily been over 1.5 hours.
Can you imagine it taking 35 minutes for one person with a fast cashier?
Now you're probably asking why didn't I just go to a new line. Well, I was third. Behind me were 3 people. The other lines had 7 people, so I would have been 8th. But yes, I watched those lines, if I had been 14th it still would have been faster.
So tell your friends. Scare little children. You know of a guy who always picks the slowest lines.
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