Tuesday, April 25
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My first haircut
 After three months of hair growth, I was entering the realm of too long to style, too short to be androgenously beautiful (It's a little creepy how close some males look like females here since Japanese women aren't curvy). I had left it uncut for this long because of fear and cost. Karen has always cut my hair, close to 10 years, and I didn't know if i could trust anyone else, and I didn't know if I could pay money for the service. I wasn't about to go to a 10 dollar under 10 minute haircut place (although one coworker tried to persuade me how good they are, but if I believed him, it would be like believing a fat guy recommending his weight loss program). On the other hand I didn't want to spend 70 dollars on a haircut either. I needed to find a middleground. Cuore was my choice. A place that happened to be next door to where I work. When I say happen, I really mean I was too lazy to really explore and find another place. The stylists seemed cool looking and the price moderate. I went in and did crazy hand movements to book an appointment for 3 pm. I came back an hour later equipped with 4 words I had asked my Japanese staff: long, short, longer and shorter. I already knew the word for a little, so with 5 words I was able (along with my thumb and index finger) to accurately describe what I wanted. My pencil drawn picture and their magazine also helped. First, an apprentice wet my hair (her english was good), put a thin cloth on my face and strapped other rags to my face as she turned on a shampooing machine. Before she walked away she stuffed something soft in both ears, told me the machine is a bit loud and the wash would be five minutes. Blind and deaf, I had little time to panic before soothing jets paraded my head and it felt like a gentle massage. The jets went up and down my head for five minutes and then stopped. I got off the chair and was directed to the stylist who cut my hair. He was a mid thirties, stylish but not without prank and mischief to his aura. He had large teeth and seemed a little goofy when he smiled. It made me relaxed, like we had been college roomates. Ever so often he would try to say a string of Japanese sentences and I would shrug my shoulders. He would try again a few minutes later expecting or hoping that during the elapsed minutes I wasn't just idle but instead improving my Japanese and would then understand his Japanese. I managed to find out he had been cutting for 13 years by pointing at him and expertly modeling my index finger and middle finger into a pair of scissors and then throwing a Hail Mary english word "Years. Years. How many years?" (You can't go wrong with the fingers imitating scissors; it's almost as though those two fingers were made to represent scissors.) I also found out that he was trained under the Vidal Sasson technique as well as another school (the apprentice told me this). When the apprentice talked about schools and training and technique, I imagined him as a Street fighter learning different styles from schools and his weapon is the scissors and my hair was his opponent. Whatever techniques he learned, he was quite experienced because his cuts were precise and swift. After he cut my hair I was shampooed again by another guy who then started giving me head massages and back massages. He was really good and I was really enjoying it. He then took great care doing my shoulders and he seemed to be fighting an invisible demon of sorts, because his demeanour became serious and his movements quickened. He spoke to me in Japanese while indicating my shoulders. I nodded assuming he was telling me that I have knots in my shoulders and carry too much tension in the area. I tried to clarify by saying "My shoulders. No good?" But after I said it I realized my mistake. Japanese do not use intonation so to him I said "My shoulders. No good," as though I was telling him I was not enjoying the shoulder massage. I knew this because he blushed and then immediately switched to my head and then only after two to three seconds he stopped massaging and blow dried my hair before letting the stylist from before style my hair. I would have tried to tell him he was a good massager but I would have probably ended up digging a deeper hole or maybe I was wrong and then I would have made him embarrassed for no reason. When I went to pay I was surprised it came to only 40 dollars. I asked for the stylist's card so I could get him again and they gave me a stamp card for future discounts. Just before the cashier gave me the bill she gave this strange look to the stylist and he nodded like he was giving the okay to something. I'm not sure if I got a discount, but I like to think I was cool enough with the stylist to have gotten one. Well here are the pics (click for larger views). Tell me what you think Karen. I know it's not Vidal but you have to tip at Vidal :). UPDATE: HOLY SHIT. I just looked at the pictures. They are really big, so this is just a warning: do not click unless you want to see an ugly close-up of my mug. Damn I should have photoshopped those pictures first!    |
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Vidal Sassoon Ripoff?
I forgot I took this picture when I was in Ginza with my parents. Ginza is like Toronto's Bloor Street, designer shops with designer prices. I thought Karen would be interested in this picture.  |
Friday, April 21
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Free Software
There is nothing I love more than free software. Here is a list of my favourite free software: Web Browser: Mozilla Firefox or Opera. Both are excellent browsers and Opera just recently took away their adbar. Mozilla has more extensions and plug ins but Opera is a bit faster. Desktop Enhancers: Yahoo widgets. I love widgets. I can't live without widgets. Sure they take up a lot of RAM, but they make me and my laptop feel special. I love my laptop so much I spoil it with widgets. I love my laptop so much that when I first got it, I declined offers to go out so I could share quality time(I closed my door of course and just gazed lovingly into its beautiful bright monitor -- like a (Microsoft) window into its soul. My favourite widgets are WidescapeWeather (pick your country, customize your colours and maximize or minimize a 5 day forecast), What To Do (comes with the download), Mini_What_to_do (I use the first for my To Do list and the What To Do for my Scheduling), Widescp_Battery, Month Calender and LaunchIt. Download the Widget Engine HERE and download widgets HERE. Photo Editing: A great, though complicated, alternative to Adobe Photoshop is GIMP. If you want to use a simpler program, I recommend FastStone Image Viewer. It lets you do batch (group) resizing, rotation and renaming in a clean, intuitive interface. Compression/Decompression (zip): WinRar or 7-Zip. WinRar has a few features disabled but never fails unzipping for me. 7-Zip is completely free and has an option to compress to its special format with a stronger compression ratio (30 to 50 percent). This program also compresses the standard zip format 2 - 10 percent better. However I sometimes have problems unzipping some files and I couldn't find the option for keeping partially unzipped or corrupt files. Adware/Spyware: Adaware, Spybot, Spyware blaster and Bazooka Adware and Spyware Scanner. I use all four because I hate a messy computer. Adaware and Spybot are probably enough for most sane people. Both have clean, easy interface and one finds what the other doesn't. Spyware blaster is a one time tool that actively prevents spyware from initally installing. Just run it once and forget about it (won't use up system resources). Bazooka A&S Scanner only scans and tells you what nasties you have and tells you how to remove it on your own. This program finds things that Adaware and Spybot sometimes miss. P2P (Peer to Peer Downloading): Azereus or LimeWire. Azereus is a great BitTorrent program. Bit torrent lets you download non linearly, so instead of downloading from start to finish, you can download from different parts of the file simultaneously greatly accelerating your download speed. Also as you are downloading you are sharing what you have. Mininova.org is constantly updated with new torrents to download (Movies, TV shows, Books, Video Games). Limewire is a fast P2P filesharing program without any attached spy or adware attached to it. Desktop Ultility: Pixie is a pixel grabbing utility. It lets you grab colors off your screen. Point to a color, and it will tell you the hex, RGB, HTML, CMYK, and HSV values of that color. Messenger Enhancement: Messenger Plus or Trillian. Tons of MSN messenger customizations. If you use several messenging programs, Trillian combines them all in one easy program. Password Management: Roboform. This useful program will remember all your passwords under a master password. It also fills out forms instantly for you and other great features. You can save or print out your information too in case you change computers or need a backup. If you are using a different browser, Firefox or Opera, you'll have to download an extension. CD/DVD Burner: DVD Shrink, DVD Decrypter, and Deep Burner. DVD shrink lets you shrink large DVDs to fit on your 4.7 gig sized ones. DVD Decypter is a good DVD copier that breaks protection/encryption measures on DVDs such as regions (and other things) then lets you rip and burn through 3 different options (includes ISO). For straight file burning off your harddrive I used Deep Burner. Audio Jukebox: JetAudio Basic. It has ripping and format conversion options. It also looks nice and can be minimized to a thin sleek bar (many other skins available). The automatic fading between songs is nice and of course there are tons of equalizer options as well as lyric readers and so much more. Windows Optimization: RegScrubXP, CCleanerFreeRam XP Proand TuneXP. RegScrubXP cleans out your registry. CCleaner does the registry and Temporary Internet Files. FreeRam XP Pro monitors and balances your RAM usage. TuneXP lets you tweak Windows XP. Virus Protection: AVG or Avast. Both are excellent free programs. I don't think you can go wrong with either, although Avast looks nicer, but requires you to register.
Firewall: ZoneAlarm. Protect yourself from hackers, worms and viruses. I don't use this actually because XP has a firewall program. Downloading Managers: GetRight or Download Accelerator. Both are able to integrate with your web browser and have several options, which includes segmented downloads, fetching mirror sites and the ever important resuming. Complete Office Suite: OpenOffice. A great free replacement for Microsoft Office. Offline Webpage Viewer: HTTrack Website Copier. View saved webpages offline, including the links within. DVD/CD Emulation: Daemon Tools. Lets you create virtual drives so you can make copies of discs and then mount these copies on your Virtual Drive. You can create these copies with the program I wrote above called DVD Decrypter (ISO file). Blogger Tool: W.Bloggar. I use this program to post to my blog site. It has several language options and the ability to post to many sites as well as simplifying HTML code. So those are the programs I highly recommend. All are free and some have restrictions. I use most of them, but not all because for example I was able to get my hands on Microsoft Office. |
Sunday, April 16
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Rants about the Parents
 In their attempt to fatten me up, my parents have gone to the grocery store several times. Again I'm mortified because my shared fridge is a shoe box and yet they buy mountains of food (which probably looks strange -- maybe nasty) to my housemates and ram it into the fridge.
"Mom, you understand that this isn't my personal fridge right? I share it with 2 other housemates."
Her response was a chuckle.
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My parents not only think I am socially handicapped, but sometimes physically. For example this morning they crowded me as I was leaving the apartment. I had my bag in hand and was about to put on my jacket. My father quickly unburdened my hand by grabbing and holding my bag. My mom took a hold of my limp jacket sleeve and swung it around to better fit my opposing arm. It was like a young, energetic NASCAR support team changing tires except my parents are old and slow and they helped me put on my jacket. And instead of shouting "Go Go Go" afterwards, they said "Do you want a bannana? You should bring a bannana."
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When my parents arrived to my apartment it was about 9 am according to their jet lagged bodies. I was on my computer writing when I heard a noise from the washroom. When I went to investigate I found my mom sprawled on the washroom floor scrubbing my toilet and looking at me with a deer in headlights expression. I told her to go to bed. Fifteen minutes later she was in kitchen for round two.
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My mom is really scared of getting lost. Usually she takes her sweet time at everything. But now when we both use our respective public washrooms she beats me out her door as though she's afraid I would leave her if she didn't finish fast enough.
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Apparently my father sleepwalk pees. I was up at 1 am playing poker and out he came from my room. My housemate was pissing in the washroom at the time and my father walked in on him. They both exclaimed "oh" and my father backed off and waited. After my housemate left, he went in, did his business then slunk back to my room.
The next day I playfully teased him about walking in on my housemate pissing and he said, "What?" |
Friday, April 14
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Hook Ups
 I mistakenly took my parents to a Japanese restaurant near my house, and now I'll never return. I had forgotten how they enjoy putting me in embarrassing situations. My father kept trying to make tons of jokes to the waiters and waitresses and customers, but they don't understand english, let alone his humour. He kept referring to my mom as his "boss." First they don't understand what boss means and if they marginally did, he only accomplishes confusing them.
He also waved down the waiters to sit beside him as my mom took pictures. I was mortified. We had huge blinking TOURIST exclamations above our heads. There was one girl he thought was cute and as she walked closer I saw him eyeing her and about to open his mouth. I blurted, "if you're going to tell her to sit beside me, so you can take our picture, I'm going to kill you." He grinned like a rogue and closed his mouth.
On my left, my mom, closet director, had the video camera in her hand: Joe use your chopsticks. Smile. You're happy. Turn the plate. Now eat something. (Picture me motionless, staring directly ahead, pokerfaced).
There was also a drunk guy beside us who toppled to the washroom and who on the way back befriended my father. They kept cheering with grunts and not really saying much and smashing their mugs while laughing like hyenas then warmly rubbing each other's backs.
Admist all this, I tried so hard to look cool -- and man, I really like looking cool too.
At the end when I went to pay, the girl at the cash complimented me on my leather jacket by touching my jacket and smiling and did something positive with her hands like a thumbs up. I was going to say something cool to the cute cashier when my dad quite suddenly appeared behind me, did a monkey face and said something like "ahhhh, yes, look, look," and raised his eyebrows and enthusiastically pointed at my shoes. She smiled and nodded, forced to agree that my shoes were cool too. I quickly paid her and slunk away before my father could point at other things.
My parents still think I'm socially handicapped and believe that they have to intervene on my behalf whenever there is a pretty girl present.
My days off with my parents are over. I really did have a lot of fun seeing them again and seeing them leave, as always, will be bittersweet.
PS The picture of my parents has nothing to do with the post but was of them when I took them to see cherry blossoms in Shinjuku. I'm usually not into that kind of thing, but I was awed by the beauty of the place.
PPS The girl my dad was about to call over to sit beside me for a picture really was cute, but we had an initial awkward situation when she was waiting at the beginning to take our drink orders. I kept trying to tell her to give me more time. I flashed five fingers and pointed at my watch. I shrugged my shoulders, flashed five fingers and pointed at my watch again. She just kept staring at me in confusion like I wanted to order five drinks and she had better bring it to me in time or something. Finally, after an uncomfortable minute (which felt like 7 days) I just said "Coke, one Coke" so she would leave. |
Thursday, April 13
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I lost my dad
 My parents came to visit me, and today I took them to Ikebukuro, a large and busy shopping district. My dad wanted to split up and then meet up at an assigned time. Standing with my mother, I waited. The time came and went as did the following minutes as did the following hour. It was then that I got a panicked feeling, which I believe was a premonition of if and when I have childrene. I didn't have much faith in my father at being able to find his way back to my home.
I had visual flashes of unsettling scenarios: him lying on a park bench; him loitering with beers in a smoky karoke bar; him walking backwards as though retracing his steps then crying.
There were several reasons for this:
1. I was pretty sure he was not carrying my phone number or house address.
2. Even if he had my house address the taxi drivers would not know how to read it.
3. If he asked people for directions they would not know how to respond unless it was a straight path (I've had 1 person drive me and 3 people walk with me 10 - 15 minutes).
4. What directions could he ask if he did not have my address? (You know my son Joe? How can I find his apartment?).
After 1.5 hours passed I reluctantly agreed with my mother that he wasn't going to show up, and we went to eat. After eating I walked back to the area one last time and when he was not there, we went home. It was then on the train that my phone vibrated to show that I had two missed calls. When I called the number back there was an automated answering machine from a cell phone so I assumed it was not my father but a friend who I hadn't programmed in. Later that number called me again after I had called and left a message and a strange voice said my name, "Joe."
"Yes?"
"Wait."
Then my father came on. He sounded demoralized as if the city of Tokyo was a Hummer and his life force was an hollow eggshell and... well you can guess what follows.
He told me he was lost but some guy is trying to help him.
Only just now he came home and I had a talk with him. Again, the generiousity of Japanese people was shown. After approaching 1000 people with the only piece of information he had (I live at a station that I think it starts with TS) one person who spoke less English than a 2 year old seemed to vaguely understand the words coming out of his mouth.
My father said this guy was Mr. Gadget. He had everything and one thing he also had was internet connection on his phone. The hardest part was trying to communicate with him that my phone number and address was in an email.
Eventually he hooked up several devices and got internet and went into my father\s account and emailed me to call and then took down my address and converted it to Japanese (in case my father needed to give it to a taxi driver) and then called me. I was in the train station so I did not get the call. He waited an entire 30 minutes with my father at the train station before calling again, which again I did not receive. This was when I finally got signal and called him back and he then called me back. After we talked he took my dad to the right train and told him when to get off.
Wow. So my father is home now. Tomorrow I'll have to ask him what they talked about for 30 minutes when neither knew a common language.
I think if I have children I'm going to make them wear GPS bracelets. |
Sunday, April 9
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Toilets
My toilet with a sink on top:  A toilet at a restaurant. I thought by pushing the bottom, wet nap-like paper comes out, but instead it sprays out soap, so I ended up getting my hand sprayed with soap (I should have looked at the picture more carefully).  My toilet at work with "the works."  |
Wednesday, April 5
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Emails and Notes
I sometimes get really cool things written to me by Japanese people. The photographer I met at Womb invited me to his birthday party bash and emailed me a cute email with even a map included. I really liked how he called himself by name then title, like Joe Teacher. hello, this is xxx photographer .
this friday is my 40th birthday.
so i have a party at small bar at shinjyuku.
if you have time please join us.
xxx yyy 40th birthday & photographer's life 15th memorial party
24 march friday 20:00 - 0f:00 at [bikini machine]
2-9-18
kabukicho
shinjyukuku
lion's plaza b1f
phone 03-3202-7733
charge 1000 yen and your drink fee (with present charge off)
do not bring drink, food is OK.I also wrote English sentences for a girl practicing her english and she wrote me a note with some Japanese sentences. Click on the thumbnail for a larger view. Take note of how she spelled my name (I think that's how she thought it sounded phonetically. I loved it and when I asked her if she knew what joy meant and how I'm thinking of officially changing my name to it, she shly turned beet red ).  |
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