A new guy started work today and everyone loves him, but me. I tried persuading a coworker to join my resistance force, but she just would not be turned.
I said, "Don't you think he's so relaxed, so friendly, so sincere."
She said, "Yes. Joe. This is bad how?"
"I mean
too relaxed,
too friendly,
too sincere.
Toooooo. People shouldn't be like that instantly, on their first day at work." It was then I heard myself talking and I wasn't doing a good job of villianizing him. I couldn't put my finger on it and for awhile I began to suspect myself of jealousy. Then I figured it out.
He invaded my
psychological space.
People talk about
personal space. They say your physical proximity to someone should be dictated by your level of intimacy. Strangers stand several feet away and lovers centimeters. If a stranger, say, enters friend proximity, then the invaded feels uncomfortable and a dislike.
He entered my
psychological space reserved for best friend.
Well, dude came waltzing in, cavalier, acting emotionally close to everyone. It was his first day but he was chumming it up as though he had shared cribs, Kodak moments and last Rolos with everyone. He was swapping hometown stories with the assistant head teacher, becoming a comedy duo with the resident jokester (they acted like Beavis and Butthead) and teasing teachers without the usual filters. It may have been okay with everyone else but I certainly did not like him galloping past my well thought out, not to mention well tested, emotional defences as though he had VIP clearance. If you ain't a model (or Natalie Portman or Kiera Knightley or Jessica Alba), you ain't getting that clearance.
1
Watching him, I admit he was good. He jabbed looking for opening connections and commonalties and once found, attacked with sincere, anecdotal stories (his technique with the assistant head teacher). Or he would study your behaviour and personality and eerily become you, version 2.0 (I say 2.0 because he has the audacity to try to improve upon you. With the local jokester, he tried to be a funnier Beavis and Butthead, tried to do a better B&B laugh).
For me, he tried technique number one. He found out I was Vietnamese when he overhead another teacher ask me to teach swear words. He came in saying how there were a lot of Vietnamese people where he had worked and started talking about how he
loves Vietnamese food
blah blah blah....My impromptu shit test: "Don't you think Vietnamese people are sneaky and tricky?" This presented him with a problem because,
1. He knows I'm Vietnamese so he doesn't want to offend me (sneaky and tricky aren't usually compliment). So he should disagree.
2. But the way I phrased the question, made it like I want him to agree with me.
So no matter what he answered, he would either be insulting my race or not making that vital, "we have so much in common" connection with me as he had with other people.
Who am I? Joe, Evil Genius.
He totally
politician'd my shit test by answering something else. He did not know my position on the matter, so he said, "You know what I did find? The Vietnamese people I worked with aren't receptive to psychological therapy (he worked in therapy -- physical therapy though I think)." Damn. He managed to give an answer that did not insult my race and he did not disagree with me, just avoided it.
Who is he? New guy, V.I.G. (Very Important Genius).
Okay, so I'm sure I'll like him eventually, but I just need more time. He sprinted to
second base too quickly. I barely know his name. But I'll tell you one thing. I'll never let him go all the way!
1.Several exceptions may apply.
