Tangled Green Thoughts

I'm a little Japanese obsessed so when my friend sent me this link of a guy teaching with JET in Japan I decided to check it out. I've only read the first editorial, but it's so hilarious. I couldn't even finish before wanting to put up the link from my site. Here are a few snippets. I could not resist just putting up only one:

You know, before we come to Japan, they tell us a lot of ultimately useless stuff. What kind of computer to bring, if our DVD's will work, clothing sizes, that kind of nonsense. Nowhere, and I mean nowhere, in the 3-4 months of orientations did anyone ever mention that at some point, a Japanese kid may try to stick their fingers up our butt. That's something I would have liked to know, personally.
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During a quiz game, I asked "What's the name of the famous bridge in San Francisco?" They always guess "Rainbow Bridge" because that's the name of the famous bridge in Tokyo. Um, no. Not quite.

One boy completely surprised me though. He slowly and timidly approached me, looked up, and hit me with his guess - "Gay Bridge."

There's no way he could've said that.

I lean in closer and ask him to repeat it. Sure enough - "Gay Bridge."
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One day after class, a ninensei girl walked up to me, and out of nowhere proudly exclaimed "Spread your legs!" Perhaps mistaking the look of shocked bewilderment on my face for misunderstanding, she stuck her chest out and repeated it even louder - "Spread your legs!"

She then produced a book of colloquial English expressions. Apparently. She'd taken the phrase from the police section...you know, "Get out of the car! Against the wall! Spread your legs!" She had just randomly selected "Spread your legs!" and decided to hit me with it one day.

But imagine one day a 14-yr old Japanese girl walks up to you and just shouts out "Spread your legs!" I had no idea how to react to that. If she'd whipped out a gun or a a samurai sword or even a small woodland animal I could have dealt with that, but "Spread your legs!" left me completely incapacitated.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the teacher leaned over and asked "Oh, is it correct?" I somehow pull myself back together and say no, it's not. Well, technically I suppose it is, but...just no. So then she asks "Why?" Oh Lord.

This was not in the job description.
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Go HERE to read the rest.